FINALLY, semester 1 of AY2009/2010 has ended. Unfortunately, exams did not end with a bang. Exams just ended. It was a muted finale but that was the best I think. I do not foresee myself being the person that skips out of the lecture hall with a resounding “YEAH!” anytime soon..maybe when I’m on exchange. I will think about it.

Met up with Melvyck right after the last paper for a pres-to-pres talk. Honestly felt quite overwhelmed after that but had some time to process everything before Sunday’s meeting (which went well, I think!). The part I liked most about this semester ending? I can now spend quality time catching up, doing the things that I’ve neglected over the past two months…spending time with T was one. Think he has been more than patient with my high levels of stress and irritability. He deserves a huge hi^5 and good food.

Time to start planning for next semester, as well as getting down to building core strength both spiritually and physically. Need to also spend some time reflecting over this whole year, particularly the past 4 months and chart out vision/dreams for next year.

There is also Christmas to enjoy and to share with others.

Am going to make the first of weekly trips to the East for tuition, hope it goes well.

not the wee-PIES as T likes to say it. it’s the weepies! and they are awesome. thanks to my brother who introduced me to them…have decided which song lyrics to post up/discuss after exams but in the meantime, it’s this one:

Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
Try to make you mad at me over the phone
Red eyes and fire and signs
I’m taken by a nursery rhyme
I wanna make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of cry
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No no no no no, nothing else will do
I’ve gotta have you, I’ve gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there’s no spring in the middle this year
I’m the new chicken plucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won’t be warm till I’m lying in your arms.

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No no no no no, nothing else will do
I’ve gotta have you, I’ve gotta have you.

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune…

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no wine
No no no no no, nothing else will do
I’ve gotta have you, I’ve gotta have…

I love love love this song…maybe because it was the first one of theirs that I listened to and I’m pretty sure that I’ve heard it somewhere else so it stuck with me and it’s not one of those annoying songs that gets stuck in your head, but it’s stuck in a good way.

Alright, back to studying. Two BLEAH papers down, but after cg on friday had some revelation and am inspired by the HS greatly to push on and be a good finisher of this exams. Even though I may not get the most fantastic grades, I will not be defeated by this semester. Have learnt some hard lessons this year, especially the second half and after exams I will take some time to write these thoughts down. For those that aren’t too personal, they’ll be posted here…for whoever to take a look, and also for me to have some sort of catharsis.

another song that just started playing on iTunes and that is also awesome:

Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved

Someday when we’re old and worn
Like two softened shoes
I will wonder on how I was born
The night I first ran away from you

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Thank you, The Weepies, for keeping me company during this second half of my exams.

for a moment I stared at the title and was trying to figure out what was wrong. I had spelt “beautiful” and “beatiful” but I just could not see the type until…suddenly it just struck me. I’d like to think that my brain is overworked from reading my notes and studying but I think it’s due more to some in explicable fatigue and just this motivation-less mode towards studying/academic self-improvement.

I’m so happy that december is almost here and that christmas is almost here.Cheryn-ann, Patricia and Terence will be back…and there will be no more exams to worry about. the semester will be over and I will have lots of good will and cheer around me to keep my mind off results for this sem. can finally take some time to engage in non-academic-related stuff. catch up with radiopulze, friends, personal projects.

It has been a tough year. It is still a tough-going year but all still is good!

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Just something I wanted to get off my chest…WARNING! Rambling alert!

…Sometimes I reflect back on the old days, just a few years back when things were very much different. Everybody was in it together, we would go for events early in the morning, late at night, weekly, daily, whatever. the thing was that we did it together. As much as the main point of it is personal, there was more feeling to it when you were united with friends and committing to the same cause. Somehow, over the years various issues cropped up and management styles did not work for everybody to the same effect, different people made different choices (myself included)..not everybody agreed with those choices, hurts were exchanged but kept muffled. then now it’s a few years later and it seems that we’ve all got a fresh start–well, we are doing different things. I can understand why people don’t want to come back or find it hard to. Yet, I know why I am still here/there. It is not easy. Sometimes, the place filled with the most love can make you feel the most judged by others. It doesn’t bother me so much now but sometimes, a save of doubt hits me and annoyingly lingers for too long.  Maybe people are too busy? But if you’re too busy to care, then that’s not really caring at all. We are brothers and sisters but we are not friends. Well, I have some friends and I have the Father, and that should be enough. Need to build up core strength so that setbacks and injuries (usually the internal ones) do not hurt so bad and for so long…

–

woke up today to a surprise call from T, new media and technology have totally transformed long-distance communication. was feeling stressed ystd over the start of exams, especially with today’s paper but PTL for cell group and the message that jieyun shared. it was great seeing my cell group members again, fellowship and the Word is truly what cell is about and it’s something that I look forward to every week..although my dismal guitar-playing skills need serious improvement. i aim for exponential improvement after exams. heh.

i’m done revising for today’s paper…well, not really. I think you can never feel prepared enough for any exam and there are always doubts and nagging worries of what could have been done, should have been done etc. but at the end of the day, it’s all about just thinking about the questions when you get them and writing out a coherent, well-organized essay, and that’s what I’m aiming for. I don’t think I can carpet-bomb the essay with facts and perhaps that’s not necessary (I agree with eejun on this). just do my best.

there are other papers to think about and prepare for once today’s is over. tuition later at 7pm, then more revision. long day ahead but I’m looking forward to it..powered up by prayer, the Word and coffee. of course.

it’s been cool…cold..cool…sunny the past couple of weeks and I’m glad to report that this weather is going to continue up till January! I am quite psyched. Actually, I am quite psyched about things right now. feeling a little tired from studying and attempts at information absorption but it’s been good so far. Still feeling less than prepared but oh THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN DO before your brains want to explode and all you want to do is play games on your iPod touch/iPhone for all of you who have one.

stickfu is seriously more fun than I’d originally thought. finished sushi chain ystd as well..

oh yes, studying. heading back to sch in a bit to collect an essay, then continue with hy2237 for tmrw’s paper. exciting ain’t it? exam on a saturday afternoon, have another one next saturday..mmm.

oh and it’s friday! weekend’s almost here -grin-

6 more days till T gets back.

phantasmagoric: characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtapositions

dreamlike: resembling a dream; “night invested the lake with a dreamlike quality”; “as irrational and surreal as a dream”

I thought that the word I wanted to use to describe today and how this whole week has been was “surreal” but I guess not. The weather has been fine, even though it is also been wet. I’m digging the coolness though and the wind and it’s aiding the studying process.

Have been listening to some fantastic music on the ipod so thanks to my bro for the introduction to stars, imogen heap, arctic monkeys, aqualung etc.

Don’t really have much to say right now except that…SIGH, half of reading week is gone and the exams are nearing and T is still in Spain but everything is still great. I had a great time with Christine catching up over copious amounts of coffee (keeping me up till 2+am) and food and studying.Christine has graciously invited me over to study with her again at an undisclosed location that just makes her generosity and her family’s just even more apparent to me. thank you my weird friend!

more studying to be done, but it’s all good.

after reading cp’s blog:…yeah, if it were easy, then everyone would have done it already.

but even though it’s hard, it just means the greater sense of achievement at the end. unless whatever you’re doing is not worth it then..ah-hem* it’s time to do something about it.

In whatever I’m doing now, I still see a purpose and a reason for it. So I’m never gonna give you up..never gonna make you cry….kidding.

I’ve been trying to think of a topic and argument for my last essay of the semester: EN2111’s second essay assignment but somehow, my thoughts are either unoriginal OR have no solid argument to back it up. Hence, I’m stuck.

The weather’s great for staying indoors and reading or even studying and I would really like to do that but instead I have to THINK HARD and brainstorm (with only my brain and no one else ) about this essay! I don’t know why it’s so hard, maybe I’m over-thinking, and maybe my thoughts are obstructed by the bad grade I got for this module before or maybe it’s because I’ve had too much coffee and my system is buzzzzing.

BUTT it’s okay.

I know the essay will get done, and my thoughts just need some organizing. In the meantime, I’m thankful for having some time off ystd to catch up over coffee, and for cell this morning and for the chance to celebrate chris’ 21st later on.

although life’s tough, there are still good times to look forward to!

T is on his way to the airport now. He’s going to Spain for two whole weeks with his family. Lucky him! I think all of us who are still struggling with essays and impending exams are wishing that we could just take off and fly ourselves to the the Iberian Peninsula or anywhere else other than here for that matter. BUT, as I realized yesterday night..that there is indeed some joy in getting work done. The sense of achievement is underrated sometimes, particularly by the majority of people who don’t find themselves very driven.

I’m like that. I have no drive sometimes that I have to remind myself that vision, purpose and goals are not to be taken for granted. When I make them, receive them, or catch them, it is not for me to just fulfill a new year’s duty but to set myself to ACHIEVE THEM! But i digress, this was not the original point of this post.

Recently, more and more people have been asking me about when T is leaving for his studies. Answer is: he’s leaving early 4th quarter next year to start his undergraduate career at UChicago. I’m so proud of him that he’s going there According to the US college guide, UChicago is THE bastion of genius. I think he will really enjoy himself there and ALSO freeze his digits off. Some people have always been skeptical of long-distance relationships but I have never been one of them. Yes, I know it’s hard but it’s not impossible.

When T and I started going out, within the first few weeks, we knew that this was for the long long “till-death-do-us-part” run. We did not know what was going to keep us together except our undying affection for each other…or at least that’s what we used to think! Then, things started to change..our honeymoon period is still on but there are times when external pressures, events and just daily life wears down our patience and things seemed harder than we had initially thought. Yet, we always clung onto each other and especially after T got saved, we clung onto God as well. Everytime we have a disagreement, I think the worse and let my soap-opera influenced mind run wild. T, on the other hand, never fails to calm me down and remind me that our relationship is not just between us two but God as well. And a cord made of three strings is not easily broken…(as compared to a cord of two!) and we have new media to keep us connected as well, haha!

And I look forward to when things start to change even more for us in terms of distance and maturity because I know that through this journey, we’re growing closer to each other and even closer to God. It is not an easy road but it is a wonderful one and there is no one else I’d rather take it with.

Have a GRRRRREAT time in Spain! I can’t wait to see you again!

This is the first wednesday of this semester (discounting the wednesday spent in Sydney during recess week) when I don’t have back to back tutorials from 9am – 2pm. It feels liberating to be able to have my own table at the Deck, overlooking the…oh wait, I can no longer see the sea because the construction of another building in NUS is blocking my view. The breeze has also be re-routed so…it is not as enjoyable/cooling sitting here. Meeting Kish for lunch in a bit and I’m absolutely not hungry because I just had breakfast a short while ago.

Have two more essays to complete before full-fledged mugging for exams can start. Am looking forward to ending this semester on a higher note. I got introduced to Wired Discovery by Mr Lim’s blog and found it an entirely interesting read! Here is what I thought was quite cool:

how i wish that all i needed to submit for this thinkpiece was a cloud of my thoughts instead of my thoughts written out in a cohesive, well-thought out, well-researched manner.

hmm.

on another note, i finally got down to searching for some definitions i’ve been wondering about:

emphatic:

1. Uttered or marked by emphasis

2. tending to express one’s self in forceful speech or to take decisive action

3. attracting special attention

empathy:

1. understanding or entering into another’s feelings

2. the attribution of one’s feelings to an object