on the fence
April 23, 2011
Why do I instinctively get defensive when I read comments that criticize the government, PAP, and the Civil Service?
Possible reasons:
1) The person who wrote it was being extremely reactionary; seemed clueless as to what he/she was really complaining about; was not rational; wanted to jump onto the anti-establishment bandwagon but does not know why he/she is doing it; did not sound credible enough for me to argue with…
– I just read about “listening” and how important it is to listen to voices from the ground (which I agree with completely) except that some people are really hard to listen to because they just want to complain and no matter what you give them, offer to them or try your best, BEST to help, they just want to complain and then they get really worked up about it!!
2) I feel that good chunk of the civil service is maligned. Personally, I have met many hardworking civil servants who work extremely hard to provide the best service to schools, parents and students in their capacity. I have also met leaders and bosses who listen to their employees, are not yes-men and who fight for those under them. Yes, offices that truly care about what’s right and what’s wrong, and what’s the best for the child do exist and I’m very proud to be associated with them. However, many of these people I’ve met are also very humble and would rather their work speak for itself and it warms my heart when their work is appreciated and Singaporeans take the time to say “thank you” and show gratitude.
–I also know bosses and employees of the opposite and I get very upset sometimes because I feel that they’re too content to be in their position (whether as a scholar, non-scholar but having a comfortable job as a civil servant…) and then make ill-informed, obnoxious statements/choices because their worldview is limited to their jobscope and tasklist.
3) I have become a drone of the system.
– Although I really hope not this is not true and will not become true.
Over the weekend, some friends made a casual remark about my status as a scholar and my reaction on the outside was: smile, nod, smile…indicating that yes, I’m happy to be a scholar. It has given me many opportunities, pays for my education and gives me a job I’m (still) passionate for and allows me to study a discipline I enjoy.
TANGENT: anybody read the article about the walking tour guide who gives a historical account of KL but avoids the politics of it? quite interesting. historians–do you shy away from politics and/or mathematics in your work? why yes, why no?
On the inside, I was being humbled. Perhaps to these friends, I’m considered an elite or someone who will “make it big” in the future because of career prospects and promotion opportunities but all I could think about was the hard work I need to put in to live up these expectations. As a civil servant, I have no grand illusions about being promoted and earning a comfortable salary–although I’d be glad for them and would want to be rewarded for my work. My dad’s experiences with scholars in his industry has not been a pleasant one and I have to remind myself each day that this “status” should not be taken for granted and I should never feel that I “have arrived” or am better than others.
I’m thankful to be a scholar, even if it comes with that social stigma and casual sneering and jeering. There are many good things that I can do because of the chances I’ve been given to observe and learn in various environments. I pray that when then time comes for me to put the good into action, rather than “just follow law”, I have the courage and faith to do so.
I must not be a drone.
